(meant to post this last night, no thanks to Qwest)

Today a large woman dressed head to toe in tangerine smuggled a bunch of gospel cds out of our store in her purse. Anyone else find that fundamentally disturbing? When confronted by my co-workers out on the sidewalk, the nervous, profusely sweating woman refused to return to the store, physically shoved them, and shouted something about her rights as a law student and how she is a Christian and therefore innocent. (which explains the running, shoving, and inflating baggage.) Oh, and she called my gentle sweet friend Michael a “dog”. Way to represent, lady.

The only way I know how to share at this point is to be really, really vague.

So what do you do when you find out that everything you thought you knew about yourself and life is wrong? Or if not wrong, at least misunderstood? Glossed over, rushed by, mostly missed? That your brain doesn’t work like it’s supposed to? That your personal set of laws, your personal laws of physics, gravity, and reason, are based on false precepts? What if you’re all the way to 30 by the time you figure it out? And school is over, and wasted, and you’ve few options, and those who are willing to help you might have the same insiduous operating malfunction? And you’re weary, and frustrated, and full of anger and despair? And you can tell that despite those feelings, you’re going to have to work harder to ever, through totally uncharted territory, to get it right?

Like the whole time you’ve been thinking you’re playing one game, when actually everyone else is playing another, and you’ve been killing yourself just to keep up, and you’re in danger if you don’t figure out the real rules right quick.

I’m in Portland on “vacation” (though I have to pop back up to Seattle tomorrow for an interview). I’ve been feeling a little shabby lately, so my sister took me to Amore Salon for a much needed haircut! Before and after:

The wonderful person who refreshed and renewed me is named Marque’ Peavyhouse, and I couldn’t be more pleased. Not only was it a totally pleasant experience (and believe me, I went in terrified - that it would cost too much, that it would suck like my last haircut, that I should never have left my cave), she is very very skilled and was able to fully rejuvenate my very distressed and malnourished locks. I’ve really been down lately, and I realized that my look has been a huge part of that. I already feel better. Plus she gave me just the right style, and helped me figure out what I really wanted! I haven’t had such a great cut since Mitchell in NY, nor such a pleasant experience since I modeled for Miss Hotstuff Wendy Garvey in 2004. (Damn I miss THAT hair.) Anyway, Amore is at 945 NW Lovejoy in Portland’s Pearl district. They specialize in wedding day but they’re not prohibitively expensive. All you PDX ladies should treat yourself.

I am.

Most of you know that anyway, although it’s hardly an excuse for my silence here. I’ve been taking a couple of hard knocks lately in that department, and have been letting it get to my energy level and self esteem. No panicking, of course - but a slow seeping, a gradual loss that I hadn’t realized until lately.

Anyway… as per usual with me, with recognition of adversity comes a renewed drive to fight back, and so on with the chase. After my alma mater and the company I’ve worked for for nearly half a decade passed me over for younger and safer (narrowly - but second place doesn’t change my paycheck) I paused to feel sorry for myself. But I know losers (so do you - you’ve all told me many a time, when I was dating them) and I am NOT that. My resume is hot, my life has been interesting, and I’m smart and strong.

So, though I hesitate to chronicle my job search in its entirety to preserve the likelihood of my procuring a job at a company whose HR dept can use google, we have a new little theme I’m sure many of you can identify with:

A 30 year old on the hunt for a fulfilling career in the new century.

Currently, I’m crossing my fingers for some marketing positions, one particularly attractive one having to do with one of my favorite things ever: orchestral music. That is all I can say for now. There is also an administrative position at a local record label that I admire, and I think I could really help with. And of course I still wish to pursue work at a college or nonprofit, and I want to be able to take the bus to work. At least sometimes.

For those of you also on the hunt, I found an amazing page or resources:
Seattle Recruiters and Employment Agencies from Bridgeway Career Development

Almost overwhelming. In the meantime, I still have a job (No, I’m not posting from there, how unprofessional!!! I’m at home), I just need more of a challenge. A lot more.