You know, I’ve been looking forward to 30 my whole life. Rather than fear it, I was excited - I earnestly believed that my thirties would be the strongest, richest, most exciting time of my life. I would be old enough to understand how things work and be able to get things done, and at the same time still be young and free enough to enjoy it.

One year in, and I’m just tired. The confusion, frustration, and utter stupidity of all this rivals almost anything from my 20s. At least then I sort of had the energy to run circles around my own brain, failures or not. Maybe it’s all just what I need to get past in order for the rest of the decade to be that good - but secretly? I’m sick, I’m worn out, and I really don’t want to fight anymore.

I’m sorry I haven’t been more candid on the day-to-day experience here. Perhaps in the future; the internet connection works at home now, so assuming the spammers will give me a break, I’ll be able to post more freely.

sorry, I’ve been out of the country.

Since my return, I’ve been buried in an avalanche of two weeks of stuff going wrong while I wasn’t there to hold it all together with my spit and fingernails……

FYI:
-my laptop bit the dust again while I was gone and this time I lost my hard drive - if I haven’t answered your email, I don’t have it, and if we were in the middle of a project, it’s over. Please feel free to email again. Also, if you can rescue data off of a destroyed Mac hard drive, please take mine - I don’t have $500.

But I had a wonderful time, and got some wonderful pictures, which I hope to share soon, and I am home. Josh will be home in 2 weeks. My nightmare moves out of the garage soon and I may start a new (additional) medication next week. I’m also considering taking that job and things in general, whether they kick us out of the house or not, should be looking up soon. The health will take longer but thanks to my friends and family I’ll even have help with that. My March 1 photo show went well, and I even sold a picture, and may yet sell another one. More about all that when I catch my breath.